A Dream I had

2 nights ago I woke up with a dream in my head. I was contemplating cutting my hair, Mark was by my side. I told him I needed to cut off the damaged part, from where it had been dyed 3 years ago. I pulled it in front of me and looked at it. The ends became brittle and fell off when we touched it.

Mark went somewhere and I was in a room when Michelle (his ex) walked in. She was intent on talking to me and said, Come with me, I have something that will save your life. But I knew by her intent and energy, that she was going to do something harmful to me. I sensed she was going to stab me in my back and kill me. I searched my mind for something to say or do. I suddenly knew what to do. I said, No Michelle, I have something for you and me that will save both our lives. I walked toward her and she said, What? I told her it was love. I loved her very much, she started crying and we embraced. She said you are so hard to love, but I love you too. And I said you are hard to love also, yet by loving each other, our lives are saved. There was a shift of energy in the area. Then Mark walked in and looked at us, he warily asked what was happening. Michelle put her arm out to Mark and said, Brenda is saving out lives. He came closer to her and she put her arm loosely around his waist and we stood there, then I woke up.

Moving to Hawaii

February 24, 2011

I am moving to Honolulu Hawaii. I accepted an Executive Director Position for Bristol Hospice and after I did, I saw in my minds eye, a beautiful picture open before me. I saw that it was being prepared for a long while and many things came into focus for me. I will miss moving from my friends at work, I love my job in Salt Lake City. I will miss my sisters, especially Beth whom I live with. She is my life savor, really. I will miss Mark. I love Mark very much. I don't quite know why it will take so long for me to really be with him for good. He is my soul mate, the twin flame kind. There is a love that I don't quite understand, but feel. He wants to finish massage therapy school and he has his business here in Bountiful. He sees his options as staying here for now. We are going to experience a distance relationship. I think it is best, even though extremely hard. He is working on finding out who he is. His dad left his family when he was 15 and he shut down, then he met Michelle when he was 17 and has been with her almost exclusively ever since. He is pulling away from her and their divorce is signed, but he still gives much of his power to her. It is a process and it takes as long as it takes. Neither of us thinks its a good idea to force it. His children get to have him right now and he gets to find out what he wants in life. I really love him, enough to allow it all. And the nice thing is I love myself enough to accept this opportunity presented to me and take it and move to Hawaii on my next adventure. I feel tugging behind me and connection in front of me.

Mark is fixing a Subaru legacy wagon for me, putting a new engine in it and I will be shipping it to Hawaii. I am shipping my bicycles and clothes and a few other items. Eryn will join me when school is out. I will see if I can fly back for the end of school and pick her up. I will hook up with church in Hawaii, I will start to visit with my bishop there, sometime I will figure it all out. I am trusting and know all is well for me and my family. Paul and Rinda are having a baby in September, so far so good. I will miss Mason, he is such a sweet heart. I wish I could take him with me. Laurie will grow while I am gone, she will have Mark and Kim and Beth and Wally.

I will make new friends. I am already connecting with the people there in the office and working with Leila and the CAS team. Transition.